I Play a Part

Last night I have an issue with someone close to me.  Because I've been holding onto resentment.  Not speaking up about what bothers me.  And when I least expect it to, it erupts in sarcasm and bitterness.

I said what I meant, but I said it mean.

This morning, I read:

"When I say to myself that I am going to turn all my problems over to God, this does not give me leave to shirk my responsibilities. I have been given certain tools with which to run my life, and the free will to use them.  They include judgment, intelligence, good will and the power to reason...." p.34 One Day At A Time In Al-Anon.


I had been turning the problem over to God.  What I failed to do was responsibly deal with the problem employing the tools given me.  I could have spoken sooner.  I should have told the person how I was feeling.  Instead, I prayed, hoping either the person would come to some revelation on their own or that my feelings would magically disappear.  Obviously, neither happened.  I hate confrontation.  I really do.  But I hold stuff in so long, that inevitably it comes out in a very confrontational way.

The book continues:  "When I am desperate enough to ask for help,I will not expect it to come in the form of easy solutions.  I play a part in solving my problems, but my Higher Power will provide the guidance and the strength to take the right action."

I ignored the nudge from my Higher Power, prompting me to speak up because I was too afraid.  And now I've made things worse.  My 'ism' causes me to want to run away from my problems.  My recovery gives me the ability to deal with my problems correctly.

"I pray for the wisdom to understand my difficulties clearly and honestly, and for the strength to do something constructive about them.  I know I can count on God's help in this."

Higher Power

"...correcting one's faults seemed to depend entirely on will power, directed at eliminating them.  Bad habits and compulsions cannot be conquered by determined resolutions or promising ourselves that we won't go on doing this or that....They must be replaced -with their opposites. The secret is to substitute the positive for the negative..."-One Day At A Time In Al-Anon




Twelve step programs are spiritual programs. I was 'lucky' enough that when I first stepped into the rooms, I already had a Higher Power.  Now I didn't think that He much wanted anything to do with me but I didn't doubt His existence. 


 Step one has us admit that we are powerless, two brings us to a belief in a Higher Power and step three is a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Higher Power.  I've seen a lot of people try the program without step two and three.  Bluntly said, it doesn't work. 


At a meeting the other night, a guy shared that because he didn't believe in God, he was simply going to try to live morally.  But our will power fails because the flesh is weak.  Look at how we refer to God in the program:"Higher Power".  Higher than us.   Power.  The One Who holds power, who is power.  One definition of power says it is, "The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively." I find great relief in this.  That I do not have the power but God does.  He can perform, or act where I cannot. Through me.  For me. 


The act on my part is the replacement.  Replacing myself as God for the true and living God.  Replacing negative tapes with positive tapes. Yet, I hold no positive thoughts without God working in and through me, telling me a new story.   


The twelve steps are simple.  And yet profound.  


And it works...if you work it.






submitting at Playdates with God

Expect Miracles

Step one again, this time around replacing the word,'alcohol' with 'others'.

Hi, I'm Nicole and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm Nicole and I'm a codependant.
I'm Nicole and I need to be reminded every day that unless I allow God to be my higher power, I will find a higher power that lacks.

And so....

I'm admitting that I'm powerless over others.

Phew.

That should be a relief, right?  Sometimes it doesn't feel like such and so I come back here, and I talk to others who share my struggles and I remember that it is a relief.

And I'm in need of these steps, broken now.  And I'm in need of the spiritual awakening to come.

"Come and bring your thoughts where they can be held true, so that you can realize how you are held, supported, sustained and protected. This is your safety-your thought,and that thought is the realization of the presence of God here and now,within you, in the life you are living......Hold your gains, hold your spiritual self together, bring all that you know to this one point,and then the 'wonders will appear'.... "

-Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood