I Play a Part

Last night I have an issue with someone close to me.  Because I've been holding onto resentment.  Not speaking up about what bothers me.  And when I least expect it to, it erupts in sarcasm and bitterness.

I said what I meant, but I said it mean.

This morning, I read:

"When I say to myself that I am going to turn all my problems over to God, this does not give me leave to shirk my responsibilities. I have been given certain tools with which to run my life, and the free will to use them.  They include judgment, intelligence, good will and the power to reason...." p.34 One Day At A Time In Al-Anon.


I had been turning the problem over to God.  What I failed to do was responsibly deal with the problem employing the tools given me.  I could have spoken sooner.  I should have told the person how I was feeling.  Instead, I prayed, hoping either the person would come to some revelation on their own or that my feelings would magically disappear.  Obviously, neither happened.  I hate confrontation.  I really do.  But I hold stuff in so long, that inevitably it comes out in a very confrontational way.

The book continues:  "When I am desperate enough to ask for help,I will not expect it to come in the form of easy solutions.  I play a part in solving my problems, but my Higher Power will provide the guidance and the strength to take the right action."

I ignored the nudge from my Higher Power, prompting me to speak up because I was too afraid.  And now I've made things worse.  My 'ism' causes me to want to run away from my problems.  My recovery gives me the ability to deal with my problems correctly.

"I pray for the wisdom to understand my difficulties clearly and honestly, and for the strength to do something constructive about them.  I know I can count on God's help in this."

New Ideas

It's been a couple few years since I've had a drink.

However, I'm just now realizing that though I've stayed sober, I'm only now becoming sober.  Meaning that sobriety entails more than just abstaining from drink.  It's interesting that I began this blog only a few months back with the desire to apply the steps in multiple areas of my life and with the intent of sharing that I find the steps applicable for most everything in life.

I think I secretly believed that I had grasped the steps fully and was ready to impart wisdom.  That was foolishness.

I am working two programs now.  Really working them.  I have a sponsor, I'm doing homework and readings,I'm going to meetings.  It's amazing.  I'm taking no one's inventory but my own.  And what has already been revealed through this process is huge.  But I'm on a quest for mental health.  I'm humbly asking God to restore me to sanity.  And so this new year, I want to be willing, honest and open enough to discover what God has in store for me - His will.

“We reevaluate our old ideas so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life.”

Basic Text, p. 94

Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood puts it this way,"The questioning, the self-examination, is not a fretful conscience nor a stricken,anxious tidying of the mind. It should be rather a simple question, 'Have I this day realized who I am,where I am going, how much I walk alone, how much I walk not alone? How much have I listened? How much have I realized?...Can I hold my soul within my soul? Can I be awake to the divine whisper or am I sound asleep? Am I strong, built on a foundation of silence?...What is my journey?...Simple exercises are good for this time,...Trusting is part of your role; trust in peace, merriment and confidence.  Wear garments of joy without fearful anticipations...."


I want to know where I'm going, what my journey is.  And so, I'm returning to the simple.  As though new.  Because I am made new continually.