New Ideas

It's been a couple few years since I've had a drink.

However, I'm just now realizing that though I've stayed sober, I'm only now becoming sober.  Meaning that sobriety entails more than just abstaining from drink.  It's interesting that I began this blog only a few months back with the desire to apply the steps in multiple areas of my life and with the intent of sharing that I find the steps applicable for most everything in life.

I think I secretly believed that I had grasped the steps fully and was ready to impart wisdom.  That was foolishness.

I am working two programs now.  Really working them.  I have a sponsor, I'm doing homework and readings,I'm going to meetings.  It's amazing.  I'm taking no one's inventory but my own.  And what has already been revealed through this process is huge.  But I'm on a quest for mental health.  I'm humbly asking God to restore me to sanity.  And so this new year, I want to be willing, honest and open enough to discover what God has in store for me - His will.

“We reevaluate our old ideas so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life.”

Basic Text, p. 94

Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood puts it this way,"The questioning, the self-examination, is not a fretful conscience nor a stricken,anxious tidying of the mind. It should be rather a simple question, 'Have I this day realized who I am,where I am going, how much I walk alone, how much I walk not alone? How much have I listened? How much have I realized?...Can I hold my soul within my soul? Can I be awake to the divine whisper or am I sound asleep? Am I strong, built on a foundation of silence?...What is my journey?...Simple exercises are good for this time,...Trusting is part of your role; trust in peace, merriment and confidence.  Wear garments of joy without fearful anticipations...."


I want to know where I'm going, what my journey is.  And so, I'm returning to the simple.  As though new.  Because I am made new continually.  

Expect Miracles

Step one again, this time around replacing the word,'alcohol' with 'others'.

Hi, I'm Nicole and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm Nicole and I'm a codependant.
I'm Nicole and I need to be reminded every day that unless I allow God to be my higher power, I will find a higher power that lacks.

And so....

I'm admitting that I'm powerless over others.

Phew.

That should be a relief, right?  Sometimes it doesn't feel like such and so I come back here, and I talk to others who share my struggles and I remember that it is a relief.

And I'm in need of these steps, broken now.  And I'm in need of the spiritual awakening to come.

"Come and bring your thoughts where they can be held true, so that you can realize how you are held, supported, sustained and protected. This is your safety-your thought,and that thought is the realization of the presence of God here and now,within you, in the life you are living......Hold your gains, hold your spiritual self together, bring all that you know to this one point,and then the 'wonders will appear'.... "

-Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood