Brandee's Thoughts

I could do more for others than I do. Easily. But I'll be honest: for the most part, I don't feel convicted that I need to do more. I say "for the most part" because I've felt led, lately, to sponsor a child; I'm hoping that's in my family's near future.

Words like "extreme" and "radical" scare me, when it comes to the Great Commission, or living out the Gospel, in general. I'm not interested in speaking out against those more zealous than I (provided they are truly helping--not harming--others), but I'm not interested in joining them, either.

I am where I am, and I hear the wordless whisperings of God. I feel His palms pressing against the walls of my heart. I've got Him; He's got me; and no one's quitting anybody. We've places to go, together: the Lord and I. And we're not in a particular hurry.

Having said that, I'd like to share with you some things I've found possible over the past five or so years:

• E-mailing or writing words of encouragement or prayer from my desk, at work. I did try to be considerate toward my employer and use "break time" for this. Sometimes I was asked to relieve someone at the front desk or in the library, and I felt comfortable e-mailing or writing, then, too.
• Praying for others while caring for a baby in the middle of the night, or driving. This practice goes a long way toward helping me remain calm and avoid frustration.
• Praying with others over the phone. This felt awkward, at first, but it's ministry I can pull off at home, in my penguin pajamas.
• Writing prayers for others, from home (again, often in my pjs), on paper and via e-mail, facebook, and the comment boxes on blogs. I try not to write: "I'll pray for you," preferring, instead, to write out prayers.
• Preparing and delivering meals to others. I'm not going to lie: this has intimidated, here and there, with the little ones. But, honestly? I’ve watched God hush and lull my babies so I could accomplish His purposes. The great thing about this ministry is that I can take the children with me.
• Preparing and providing unleavened bread for the Lord’s supper, at my church.
• Visiting adult homes. I've tried four different ones, with the children. My favorite--and the one to which I return, over and over--is very small (6 residents, currently) and very clean. My babies minister as much or more to the residents as I.
• Taking our friends from the adult home on field trips. One friend is extremely agile and can go most anywhere with the children and me. I need helpers to take the others but very rarely have a hard time finding them.
• Making hospital and home visits. I've done this very infrequently since the babies have been born, but there've been times that I've known the Lord was calling me to go. I'm blessed to have a husband who will do anything he can to support me on these occasions. Generally, he waits in the minivan with the children while I visit.
• Spending time and/or praying in person with those who need a friend and don’t mind sharing my company with my children.
• Making my home available for Bible studies.
• Teaching (classes, conferences) and singing within the church, if childcare is available. You'll notice from the list above: for the most part, I avoid ministry that requires me to leave my children behind. Having said that, I think it's healthy for the children and me to take little breaks from one another, sometimes!
• Sharing my faith in person and over the Internet.

As I review the above list, I guess what excites me most is that I can tell you, honestly: I used to say things like: "I've lost myself," or, "I can't find myself." And I don't say those things, anymore, because I don't feel that way, anymore. It's been in giving myself away that I've found myself.

And, please: hear me! I'm no saint! I've done and said things, in my lifetime, that repulse me in the remembering. I'm a self-centered, selfish person! 

In fact (and this is my favorite, dirty little secret), I am absolutely self-centered and selfish enough to give, in part, because the more I give, the more I get. And I'm not talking about from the people to whom I give. I'm talking about from He who has His nail-scarred palms pressed against the walls of my heart.

Brandee blogs at Smooth Stones

Megan

When I think about the kind of person I am, humility is not one of my stronger traits. Come to think of it, I'm not sure, the majority of United States citizens even knows the definition of it, let alone try to achieve it.

I am, sadly, one of those people who is unaware of my own self worth,and full of unnecessary pride.

I need to reevaluate myself, in any way possible.

We all do.

Its not going to change in a day but we can work it hour by hour, situation by endless situation, and try.

But what is humility really? I have read a lot of colorful descriptions, lately. Most of them contradict themselves, so I'm telling you how I define it, and why it is so important, to act with modesty and talk without self satisfying words.

Do we constantly need to show our strength, in order to prove something to the people around us? No.

Do we need to show that we won't give in, and submit by feeding in to chaotic drama just to put our 2 cents in? HELL NO.

Do you ever think about just stepping back and just letting it happen with out you in it? At first, I will admit it's hard to turn away but then you realize how emotionally exhausting it was, to constantly be a part of bulls&*%.

When you throw away your pride, it doesn't go skipping. It kicks and screams until you're almost running after it to come back.

I know what your thinking. I'm talking about it like its an addiction.

Truth is...it is.

We grew up in this bubble telling us we have to constantly be talking. About how we feel, how we are, how we want to be. I understand where they are coming from...Whoever "they" are, but self expression is a two way road. Listen to others and think about them before you create an image of it's "all about me."

  Skimming on the Internet I found a couple things that I think explain this topic.

This one, is about knowing your self worth and and knowing it's not all about your self.

Example one:

  A man and a woman laid in a patch of grass admiring the stars above.

The man turns to the woman and says "Doesn't all that make you feel so insignificant compared to what else is out there? And how infinite it is?" The woman smiles and replies " Not insignificant, I just feel blessed to be apart of something so breathtaking."

 This makes me see things more clearly when I read  this. It reminds me of something my newspaper in high school quoted me saying.

" It takes a true star to know that the sun is bigger, but still shines as bright at it can." - Megan Wian 2004

 I'm not sure what the original subject was on or why I came up with that, but I know it was when I started my journey to self discovery.

Example Two: The movie "Mona Lisa's Smile."

   The example isn't the whole movie but a specific part. If you know or have seen this movie you know this part, and it more than likely made you think a little:

   Giselle is a promiscuous girl, in love with a married man. but her best friend Betty, is a snooty, rich, "square". Giselle goes about her actions, even though she really is  unhappy with herself.  Betty does her daily duties as a newlywed, and tries to be what everyone expects of her. Things started getting rocky for Betty when she discovers her husband has been cheating. Giselle witnessed Betty's husbands deception, when she saw him and his lover on the streets. Giselle decides to mind her own business.  She knows Betty would deny it either way. This is the script of the scene, where sad and upset, Betty, verbally attacks Giselle, in attempt to feel better about her own situation. Friends try to calm the situation down but I'm sure Giselle is the only one who did it effectively.

[Giselle has been secretly seeing a married psychologist]

Betty Warren: Does he pay you for sex? I mean, at the rate you're going, you could make a fortune.

Joan Brandwyn(friend): Betty!

Betty Warren: Everyone thinks so. Do you know what they say? They say you're a whore. And pretty soon, once they've all sampled you, they'll toss you aside like a used rag.

Joan Brandwyn(friend): Betty, stop! Now!

Betty Warren: The men you love don't even want you! Your father doesn't want you!

Giselle Levy: [to Connie] I'm gonna meet you downstairs.

Betty Warren: Professor Dunbar?

Connie Baker (friend): Betty, that's enough!

Betty Warren: Everyone knows that you hide outside his house! It must be torturous running after a man who doesn't even care about you. Who's in love with someone else. Who hates you!

Giselle Levy: Betty...

Betty Warren: He *hates* you!

[Giselle pulls Betty into a hug]

Betty Warren: Get off of me!

[Betty struggles, but gives in and sobs on Giselle's shoulder]

Betty Warren: [about her husband] He doesn't want me!

Giselle Levy: [sympathetically] I know...

  Giselle was so selfless and humble. If her pride had taken over, the whole scene would have gone a different way.  A friendship would have ended.

These are just a  couple of examples of humility in my eyes. I know you can define it in your own words.

So just try it, cause I bet the more you think about it, the more you act on it.

Make that change.

Let Go and Let God

Here is a direct quote from a conversation I had a few nights ago with my husband

"Let's be humble--you."

It was me who said it. Challenged him.  Let myself off the hook.  He just laughed.  And then I had to, too.  I was asking for humility.  Was I offering it?

Am I humble at all?  There are times I kid myself that I am.  But right there's the problem.  If you think you've got it, you don't.   And as I've been struggling through all this- the seeing myself and others rightly from God's eyes-I'm coming to realize that what masks itself as humility in my life may be something else.  A hidden insecurity.  Even a self-degradation that ought not to be there.

Where others are loud, I'm quiet.  Where others speak up, I silence myself.

I've been hurt by the loud.  And I've willingly given my voice away because I've thought that made me somehow better.  I took what I thought was the high road but I've laid low and I've been walked on.

But still, this is addiction to self.  Because it's self-preservation at it's finest.  It's cowering because I'm lacking trust.

I can't change people.  But I can change myself.  I can believe what God tells me.  That I am loved.  That I have a voice.  That I'm okay.  I am neither too much nor too little.  I have sin but I am saved.

There are those who are more comfortable on one or the other end of the spectrum.  Those who think too highly of themselves and those who think too little.

I just, unfortunately, have known many who think too high.  Who can't come down to where the rest of us live.  And so I've judged and I've recoiled.  And not understanding it, I've taken it on.  I've listened to lies.

Someone told me recently that those who are stuck, lofty have decided that it's too uncomfortable to let go of the illusions and the fantasies of grandiose.  They don't want to go where Jesus went.

I asked her if that was mental illness and she responded with, "We're all subject to mental illness.  But if you let the Holy Spirit in, it doesn't have to go there."  She continued on with, "You and I have both been through our times of feeling like we were crazy."

I laughed and said, "Yeah, my time was this morning."

But that's the point.  I can go crazy with all these conflicting thoughts about who I am or I can just give it over to God and say I trust that I am who You say I am.  That you gave me a sound mind.

Source: flickr.com via Nicole on Pinterest

And in this, I can let go and let God.

Practice an Attitude of Gratitude

This morning, my husband woke up grouchy.  Flat-out grumpy and snappy.  He didn't see it but luckily for him, I'm on top of it.  After listening to him kvetch for a while, I asked him if he'd written a gratitude list lately.

He asked if I had.

 "Um, more recently than you," I responded.

 Lame.

I think this is the point of getting your own house in order.


One of the first things a good sponsor asks of a new sponsee, is that they write out a gratitude list.  That, and a definition of what makes a good friend.

 But today, I'm thinking about gratitude.  I need to be thinking about gratitude every day.  And I'm revealing this here because I remembered that this was one of the first requirements made of me when I was new in sobriety.

Here is just a bit of what I'm grateful for today:

stained glass
Candle chandeliers
The Light
lazy Sundays for the body but not the mind
family
coffee with friends
God's mercy


Also, I would love it if this could be a community.  I didn't want to do a blog hop because I didn't want people's posts subject only by the whim of a few who might read the links.  I really would like to be able to post here, other's thoughts.  I am open to suggestions for how that might work.