Step Two

Working on step two....again:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Gratefully, when I came in, I did believe in a Power.  I just wasn't so sure about the restoration to sanity. But doesn't that mean that my Power wasn't very powerful? Most of us are asked to write a two-sided list.  What my God is and is not.  So here is what I have so far (you get to see it before even my sponsor):

What God is:

Just

Long-suffering,

Loving,

Patient,

Kind,

Merciful,

Loyal

Holy

Present

Caring

A good listener

Faithful

What God Isn’t:

Petty

Mean

Impatient

Harsh

Critical

Condemning

Uncaring

Neglectful

So many find it difficult to believe in a power greater than themselves but why? Isn't that which made their life unmanageable greater than themselves?  Overspending, overeating, undereating, self-pity, codependency, __________(fill in the blank).  If any of us feel that there is an aspect of our life that controls us, perhaps that is our current God. 

 My own personal list of powers greater than myself:

Physical: 

Multiple sclerosis,

Any given disease

The church as a whole,

Other’s personalities,

Alcohol

Nature,

Mental:

Other’s thoughts and actions

Obsessions

Pride

Lust

Greed

Spiritual:

GOD

Which of the above can keep me from drinking, delving into pride, filling myself with needless material items, the desire to restrict my eating, etc.?

"The spiritual starter kit. All of this theology stuff can seem downright confusing. It can even appear to be a barrier in the path of sobriety. We A.A.s are fortunate in having a spiritual starter kit, so to speak, in chapter 4 of the Big Book. It is suggested as a sure fire method of coming to know a spiritual power. Here it is (we have supplied the bold style to selected characters):

Step 2.1. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and...[Big Book page 46, line 15]

Step 2.2. ...express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God. [Big Book page 46, line 16]

Step 2.3. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you...we had to begin somewhere, so we used our own conception, however limited it was. [Big Book page 47, line 4]

Step 2.4. ...As soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. [Big Book page 47, line 16]

In short form the kit might read: a) Set aside all prejudice (both belief and disbelief about God and religions), b) Become willing to believe, c) Study all spiritual concepts, and formulate an initial—even conditional or tentative—conception of God, and d) Be persistent in testing the state of your belief and knowledge.

It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built. [Big Book page 47, line 19]"

Coming in, I scoffed at the idea that I needed spiritual kindergarten., I grew up knowing my Higher Power. And yet, my life was not working. It had become unmanageable.

  (We have made)....clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic (or whatever) and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought. [Big Book page 60, line 15]

He has come to all who have honestly sought Him. When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us! [Big Book page 57, line 8]

I have to say, that though I knew Him, coming in, He has disclosed Himself to me in such a greater way upon my seeking Him in this simple and honest way. 

Higher Power

"...correcting one's faults seemed to depend entirely on will power, directed at eliminating them.  Bad habits and compulsions cannot be conquered by determined resolutions or promising ourselves that we won't go on doing this or that....They must be replaced -with their opposites. The secret is to substitute the positive for the negative..."-One Day At A Time In Al-Anon




Twelve step programs are spiritual programs. I was 'lucky' enough that when I first stepped into the rooms, I already had a Higher Power.  Now I didn't think that He much wanted anything to do with me but I didn't doubt His existence. 


 Step one has us admit that we are powerless, two brings us to a belief in a Higher Power and step three is a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Higher Power.  I've seen a lot of people try the program without step two and three.  Bluntly said, it doesn't work. 


At a meeting the other night, a guy shared that because he didn't believe in God, he was simply going to try to live morally.  But our will power fails because the flesh is weak.  Look at how we refer to God in the program:"Higher Power".  Higher than us.   Power.  The One Who holds power, who is power.  One definition of power says it is, "The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively." I find great relief in this.  That I do not have the power but God does.  He can perform, or act where I cannot. Through me.  For me. 


The act on my part is the replacement.  Replacing myself as God for the true and living God.  Replacing negative tapes with positive tapes. Yet, I hold no positive thoughts without God working in and through me, telling me a new story.   


The twelve steps are simple.  And yet profound.  


And it works...if you work it.






submitting at Playdates with God

Quiet half hour

"Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax.  During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life."

-AlAnon Literature

Source: nom-nom-nom.tumblr.com via Nicole on Pinterest

Just for today

Just for today....

I am realizing how relevant and helpful this slogan is for me right now in my life.  While my life circumstances have changed and everything in my future is up in the air, I need to constantly remind myself that I only need focus on today.  Worrying about tomorrow helps nothing, neither does obsessing on the past. I have now.  And I can choose to enjoy my now or ruin my small moments by not being present.

Someone told me yesterday something like, 'the past is merely a figment of our imagination and the future, speculation and projection".  That's sort-of true.

So today, I'm present.  In the moment.

The Truth About Myself

I like to see myself as someone who knows her self.  I like to think that I'm good about taking personal inventory  and asking God to reveal my short-comings.  That I'm self-aware and self-analytic.

But the truth is that there will always be things about myself that I don't see.  So true courage means being able to ask others how they see you.  I haven't done this yet.  But I am becoming aware that my walls go up when someone states something they've observed in me which I disagree with.  My first reaction is to tell myself that they're just wrong.  They're seeing incorrectly.

But maybe, just maybe, they're able to see what I am not.  So, it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion.  Certainly it doesn't hurt to ask others if they are observing the same thing.  And always, I can ask God to reveal to me the truth about myself.

If I really want to be self-aware, I must be willing to see myself as others do.

New Ideas

It's been a couple few years since I've had a drink.

However, I'm just now realizing that though I've stayed sober, I'm only now becoming sober.  Meaning that sobriety entails more than just abstaining from drink.  It's interesting that I began this blog only a few months back with the desire to apply the steps in multiple areas of my life and with the intent of sharing that I find the steps applicable for most everything in life.

I think I secretly believed that I had grasped the steps fully and was ready to impart wisdom.  That was foolishness.

I am working two programs now.  Really working them.  I have a sponsor, I'm doing homework and readings,I'm going to meetings.  It's amazing.  I'm taking no one's inventory but my own.  And what has already been revealed through this process is huge.  But I'm on a quest for mental health.  I'm humbly asking God to restore me to sanity.  And so this new year, I want to be willing, honest and open enough to discover what God has in store for me - His will.

“We reevaluate our old ideas so we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life.”

Basic Text, p. 94

Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood puts it this way,"The questioning, the self-examination, is not a fretful conscience nor a stricken,anxious tidying of the mind. It should be rather a simple question, 'Have I this day realized who I am,where I am going, how much I walk alone, how much I walk not alone? How much have I listened? How much have I realized?...Can I hold my soul within my soul? Can I be awake to the divine whisper or am I sound asleep? Am I strong, built on a foundation of silence?...What is my journey?...Simple exercises are good for this time,...Trusting is part of your role; trust in peace, merriment and confidence.  Wear garments of joy without fearful anticipations...."


I want to know where I'm going, what my journey is.  And so, I'm returning to the simple.  As though new.  Because I am made new continually.