I Play a Part

Last night I have an issue with someone close to me.  Because I've been holding onto resentment.  Not speaking up about what bothers me.  And when I least expect it to, it erupts in sarcasm and bitterness.

I said what I meant, but I said it mean.

This morning, I read:

"When I say to myself that I am going to turn all my problems over to God, this does not give me leave to shirk my responsibilities. I have been given certain tools with which to run my life, and the free will to use them.  They include judgment, intelligence, good will and the power to reason...." p.34 One Day At A Time In Al-Anon.


I had been turning the problem over to God.  What I failed to do was responsibly deal with the problem employing the tools given me.  I could have spoken sooner.  I should have told the person how I was feeling.  Instead, I prayed, hoping either the person would come to some revelation on their own or that my feelings would magically disappear.  Obviously, neither happened.  I hate confrontation.  I really do.  But I hold stuff in so long, that inevitably it comes out in a very confrontational way.

The book continues:  "When I am desperate enough to ask for help,I will not expect it to come in the form of easy solutions.  I play a part in solving my problems, but my Higher Power will provide the guidance and the strength to take the right action."

I ignored the nudge from my Higher Power, prompting me to speak up because I was too afraid.  And now I've made things worse.  My 'ism' causes me to want to run away from my problems.  My recovery gives me the ability to deal with my problems correctly.

"I pray for the wisdom to understand my difficulties clearly and honestly, and for the strength to do something constructive about them.  I know I can count on God's help in this."