Expect Miracles

Step one again, this time around replacing the word,'alcohol' with 'others'.

Hi, I'm Nicole and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm Nicole and I'm a codependant.
I'm Nicole and I need to be reminded every day that unless I allow God to be my higher power, I will find a higher power that lacks.

And so....

I'm admitting that I'm powerless over others.

Phew.

That should be a relief, right?  Sometimes it doesn't feel like such and so I come back here, and I talk to others who share my struggles and I remember that it is a relief.

And I'm in need of these steps, broken now.  And I'm in need of the spiritual awakening to come.

"Come and bring your thoughts where they can be held true, so that you can realize how you are held, supported, sustained and protected. This is your safety-your thought,and that thought is the realization of the presence of God here and now,within you, in the life you are living......Hold your gains, hold your spiritual self together, bring all that you know to this one point,and then the 'wonders will appear'.... "

-Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood

Admitting

Words maybe more than ever mark their significance in my life. Their healing power, their destructive power, the need for, the lack which can scar.

And I need to be here, working these steps. Admitting I'm powerless. Admitting I'm addicted to any number of things, but that it's only God who can restore me to sanity.


And in the tumult which is my current life state I remember that 'This,too,shall pass.'

One way or another it will.  I don't know the outcome.  I can only control my own actions, my own words.
I am powerless over other people.

I listen now for God's will to be revealed in my life, for the promises to be fulfilled.  And it's hard right now.  But I know where to go.  And I know that secrets kill, so I admit.  I admit that I am powerless.  That I'm reworking my steps.  I keep coming back.