Beginnings

Sober Saturday:

Does anyone want to get sober with me?

Sober from the intoxication of self.    I'm (seriously) considering writing a book on the subject.

 Couldn't the whole world utilize a twelve step program to battle their addiction with self-adoration?

You don't have to.

But I want to.  

That's why I'm writing here today.  Maybe, I'll keep coming back.

I created this space for the purpose of going through the steps again.  This time in relation to my addiction to self.  The addiction I battle daily.

You can spy on me, here.  Maybe someday you'll decide to join me.

The addiction to self involves ego (edging. God. out.). I don't think I have much of a problem with this.  I'm very proud of my humility.

See the problem here?  I usually hide my ego well.  It stays hidden from strangers for the most part, but my husband knows it well.

Ego was the topic of last nights meeting.  I didn't think it related to me.  Until I realized it did.  Duh.

So, that's where I came up with my idea of creating this space.  Or a book.  Or just something for all, where we can get into the nitty gritty of how hard it is to give ourselves over to God.

How we think we have, only to realize we haven't.  Not truly.

Someone said last night that he says this prayer each morning:  "God, if I can't help someone today, at least help me not to hurt them."

You know, I'm a really great repenter.

 I am very conscious of my need to repent often.

 But... what if I just learned to hurt people less? What if I didn't hurt them with my words or my actions or my ego.
 And if I prayed the above prayer in the morning, maybe I wouldn't have to repent in the evening quite as much.

I'm going to go slow.  This is a lifelong process.  No one graduates.  We're all perpetual patients.  At least while here on earth.  And there's no shame.  Because we're all sick.  We all need healing.  And God is the ultimate healer.

Today, I am sober from alcohol.  Today, I want to be sober from self.  I want to be hidden in Christ.  I want to be anonymous.  So, today, I start that journey, here.

"(This) is meant to be suggestive only.  (I) realize (I) know only a little.  God will constantly disclose more to you and to (me).  Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick.  The answers will come, if your own house is in order.  But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got.  See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.  This is the Great Fact...Abandon yourself to God...Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows.  Clear away the wreckage of your past.  Give freely of what you find and join (me).  (I) shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.  May God bless you and keep you - until then."

-Fourth ed. Alcoholics Anonymous, from "A Vision for You".  emphasis mine.