Fragmented Personality

Henri Nouwen, speaking on faith, writes:  "It does not create new things but it adds a new dimension to the basic realities of life.  It brings our fragmented personality into a meaningful whole, unifies our divided self.  It is the source of inspiration for a searching mind, the basis for a creative community and a constructive incentive for an on-going renewal of life."

I read this last night and found that this element (all important) of faith is what is so vital in the recovery process.  It is the fundamental aspect which offers hope.

 And self-addiction, I believe, like any addiction stems from this feeling of fragmentation.  Not belonging.

The years I was using, were easily the worst years of my life.  Fresh out of the awful high-school years, fresh on the tail of all that stinking illusion that we are misunderstood and different.

These are the very feelings that will cause us to isolate.  When we believe that there is no use in sharing, or caring, or trying because no one understands.

 We drink.  Or we use.  Or we binge.  Or we cut.

Or what now?  What do I do now that I've been delivered of all that?

 I pray.  I share.  I try.  But I will not lie and say that those feelings never come back.  They do not appear as often as they used to but every once in a while they show their ugly face.  And I want to retreat from everyone.  And I feel fragmented.  

Another reason the program works is because it involves community.  Secrets disappear.  Relationships are formed.  And even when one has battled addiction, and is walking with God, if that addiction to self is not tamed, relationships are destroyed, secrets are born.  

Yet with faith their is hope.  With hope there is a solution....