Love first of all is truthful.
So confession: Yesterday was a difficult day for me. And also a joyous one. The kids are home again. But somewhere in there I started striving. And grasping. And, really, being a little OCD. About, God knows what. Everything, I suppose. I started making plans for my doctorate (which I'm probably not really going to go for) and drawing and messing with my camera. In an insane way. Not a good way. What was I doing?
I was grasping desperately for my own identity with the kids home. This is not easy to admit. But with them gone two weeks, and although I missed them like crazy, I also got a little squirrely, I suppose, faced with the truth that them home means a lot less free time.
And then the evening came and I realized that it had been a wonderful day. I was so happy to be tucking the kids in bed (no not just because they were going to soon be asleep), to be spending that end of day time, praying and talking and rejoicing in our day together. I realized how grateful I was that they are mine for a time.
Sarah Styles Bessey writes about calling this present time our own. And she admits to many of my own struggles.
What does this have to do with sobriety from self?
Nouwen says, "Let us examine some characteristics of love. Love first of all is truthful. In the fellowship of the weak the truth creates the unshakable base on which we feel free to move. It means primarily the full acceptance of our basic human condition...The truth of the human situation which prevents us from fictitiousness, shallowness, and stimulation."
So, I'm attempting to be truthful. In this fellowship. I'm accepting the truth of my human situation. That there will be days that are paradoxically crazy and good all at once.
And I also know now that when I'm feeling outright mental, that means there's a problem inside. A problem inside means that it's me who's ruling - not God.
I may not yet have this one all figured out. But I'm willing to give it over. To look at it. To accept God's love, to give love I need to believe in the need for honesty.
Love first of all is truthful
I think you are completely right about this. Love (real love) is truthful. All of us have days that are both good and bad. I think that is what makes everyday such a wonderful journey. It is always both. But I have found that if I focus on the positive every day, that becomes what I most remember and it gives me strength to get through the rough times.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot to digest here...a lot of wisdom packed in a little space. It is absolutely true-the paradox you point out that things can be both crazy and wonderful all at once.
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to get a little OCD about personal space. I'm like that sometimes. I find it difficult on occasion to see the boundary between love for self and love for others... in reality there's no boundary, but sometimes it looks like there is one, haha!
ReplyDeletestopping in from mama kat's.