Defense

There has been so much loss in my life.

This, I feel but at the same time, if I'm being honest, I have been given so incredibly much, and in comparison to many, I really have not lost much that is truly important.

And still....in the face of what loss there has been, I have dealt.  Meaning, I have not grieved.  I have kept it in and been tough.  What would it look like if I were to not just merely pretend that I have accepted but rather truly would accept.

This, I am learning: that the great cost of stoicism is hardness.  Inability to embrace and feel.  And it is a front which harms me and others.

There are times when I have no choice but to face these hard things I thought I had swallowed.  To look loss in the face and grieve it and move on.  Not to do so means I sacrifice a heart of flesh.

My "defense must come from a Higher Power" (AA).

I can not build a defense myself.  Not only is it flimsy - it is false.